it sucks to be insecure

i find it soo hard to accept the fact that i might be falling for you
im afraid that you won't be there to catch me when i fall
the only time i started to feel this was 4 years ago
and now it's back to haunt me
the feeling of worthlessness and giddiness
just when i thought that i'll never find someone
who can make me look forward to hearing from again and again

i want to take this chance with you
so i won't stop myself from feeling this things
the only thing that i can hope to do
is not to let my actions betray what i feel inside
i know that it's too early to say that i really like you
but i know that i like you for what i know you right now...
if only you feel the same....

when im talking to you
you make me think how nice it would be to have a boyfriend like you
although my mind is screaming no.... my heart says otherwise...
please... don't make me fall so hard for you
when you don't have plans in saving me...
for i fall hard and strong...

i am really?

i don't really know what's happening lately... why is it that a lot of guys are suddenly becoming my friends and actually showing interest in me... even strangers.... did i really change... do i really look like a girl now? have i become cute in the eyes of the opposite sex?

if only i have a guy friend to ask all these questions.... it's just that im too ashamed to ask them these questions.... grrr... i don't know what to do anymore... it's not that i don't like it... it's just that.... all of these are happening sooo fast.... waaaahhhhh!!

everyone likes to be noticed but i wish.... i was just the obsure persona in the background....

greatest disappointments in my life

*i am not thin enough (i am always the chubby one)

*i am not smart enough

*i did not get to pursue the college course of my dream

*still not meeting the guy who can change my perspective of love... (i.e., jaded state)

*not being rich enough

*not being brave enough to pursue and do things i wanna do....

*not having someone to consider a real friend... (if i did... this blog would never have existed)

*being much of an over thinker and analyst....

*being an insecure about being insecure

*still longing/caring for the 1st guy i fell inlove with 4 years ago.... (and to think that i deem myself above such human emotion)

*being such a great contradiction in every aspect