strangers once again

no use crying over spilt milk they say.. and i am not...

it just hurts to think that i am now once again...

virtually "real-friend" friendless.... T_T

being honest with yourself and other people all the time feels good...

but the fact that reality bites is still true...

not all can share your honesty...

not all wants to hear the truth...

and sometimes... the bitter price for honesty...

is people get hurt around you...

and slowly... they fade away into the backgrounds of your life...

im not sorry for the things i said and did...

but im sorry for how the things worked out between us...

(j.p.)

a fresh dull start

the time for a new semester has arrived... but before that... a lot of things has heppened to me... and once again... i have come to face the fact that i can only be able to rely on myself to sort things out... that no one in this world really gives a damn on what you feel... okay.... there may be a few people out there who really cares... but it sucks to put so much hope on a world that keeps on leaving you behind...

deep water creates inner turmoil

I know that it is not the job of anybody on this earth to comfort me. No matter neither how good I was nor how much kindness I offered up to the world. That is the reality that I have come to acknowledge in this lifetime. I may be just a dumb person right now, trying and thinking of ways to pre-occupy myself to further steer away from thinking of the worst. Funny though, it is like I have come to be just one of the personas’ whom I inwardly dislike. The bunch of people who just let things happen for sheer fate in fate. It is like slowly, day by day, I cease to stop struggling from the obstacles hurled my way. It seems that I am already incapable of feeling what is really needed. At times I react to stimuli in my environment in a way not even textbook. Maybe, just maybe… I have become much more insane than I thought.

is this it?

what happened last week was really weird... the urge to confess and stay away from him... has been playing on my mind quite a lot... but the courage to do it... came really strong that day... so i did what i had 2 do that wednesday night... it was really weird... i expected him to laugh... he did not... i did not expect he would tell me he felt the same way... but when he said that he does not want me to stop really shook me... how can i really? when im so used to him? when i miss him every single day? he asked me what made me like him.... i don't know if i ever got to answer him... but i know why... i just don't know if im ready to take the next step... i like him because i can talk to him about anything... he is real to me and i like his sweetness... i like his character and i like his charm... but i do have lots of qualities that i dislike about him but i chose to overlook it... is this the real thing? or is this just another bout of infatuation? i guess it's the latter.. but if continue to talk to him everyday... and he continues just as he is... who knows? it might turn into something real for me? i hope it will too for him.... as of now... i'll honor his request to stay the same and not stay away from him... it was really nice to feel that he wants us to be more than friends but settle for being one just because im not ready yet...

i am officially out of it...

okay this time it is real... i am liking him as more than a friend...
i am playing with the feelings of three people at the same time...
but im not doing it on purpose...
the first person im playing with... i think is also playing with me...
he does seem to be just enjoying his own little game with me...
for me, it is just a test of will...
on who should give in first...
but that person is not me for i long for someone else...
the 2nd person...
he knows about the 1st person and he is actually dear to me...
i know im not really playing with him... or am i?

but the saddest part is the game i hve with the 3rd person... me...
i am playing with myself and my heart...
i now accept the fact that i like 2nd person as more than a friend...
yet i continue to play the 1st person...
how can i ever get out from this mess i got myself into??

what if?

lately... my life is full of freaking secrets...

i wanna shout out to the world just what is goin on with my life but i cant...

somethings holding me back....

the fear of everything is actually whats keeping me in this glass cage...

i want someone to come along and shatter the cage im in..

but is he the one infront of me...?

or am i looking and hoping at the wrong person?

what the heck is wrong with the world? with boys and men really...

geeezzz..... yesterday is just soooo hell for me... no... this week has been hell for me... i had to turn down 3 of em... and it sucks.... it's bcoz i really did not want to do that to them but they forced me to.... it's not that i don't like them... in fact i can even consider them... but the way they told me was what turned me off.... why can't guys confess to a girl in person?? or to me???

don't they know that it's like an insult for a girl to that?!

gosh... how i hate them... it does not even matter if the person i am referring to is young or mature... for they all act the same... oh and its monday 2mrow... i don't even know how to act around them... haaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy...... now life is crazy...