choices

it's been awhile since i last blogged here... a lot of things has happened to me last month... my grandma passed away, i got myself a boyfriend and dumped him the next day, i got myself a new best friend and i learned a lot of things too...

it's really crazy how one can adapt to life and it's struggles... one morning you're as fragile as
a petal and the next thing you know, you are as hard as a rock...

i don't know what life has in store for me... everyday i am humbled by the fact that change is the only constant thing in this world... thus i don't plan long-term already... as much as possible... i now live in the moment... what's the point in planning when you don't even know when the wind of change will begin to blow?

i am just happy that i got my wish that my first boyfriend will remain my friend after the relationship is through... although i feel bad to what i did to him... i'm just lucky that he tried to understand me... although i don't even deserve it... he still remains my friend.. i hope he finds the girl that will stay with him through ups and downs...

my best friend is someone i am actually scared of at first... i was scared to fall for him completely... (he was/is my crush) ... but lately... i can sense that now that we agreed to be best friends... my feelings are kept in check... although he did break-up with his girl at first coz of me... (evil me... unknowingly)... i realized that what i feel for him is not enough to let me take the risks... so we are better off as what we are...

my grandma's death was really nice... she got to bid goodbye to people that she cared about and she was able to fulfill her Christian duties until the very end... not everyone are blessed to die in such a way... although i miss her presence at home... i know that she is happy where she is right now... for i know that the kingdom of God is also hers'...

i am amazed with all the things that has happened... i know that all things happen for a reason and lesson in life... that is what keeps me motivated... life is indeed crazy but it teaches us to be right in this crazy world... maybe not now... but soon...

^_^ y i like him?

it's funny how i ended up unceremoniously telling him i like him... lolz... seems like i spoil all the romantic bone in me when i get frustrated... there is nothing romantic with having to tell a guy he is your crush through sms... tsk3... but anyways... a few days forward... we're still texting each other... i'm just scared that it'll end before im ready to let go...

when he asked me why i liked him... i couldn't give him any straight answer... what a dumbass i really am... hihihih but he just said he has a crush on me too... ( yey no romantic factor! still thru sms)... then again, when we see each other personally... we don't talk about "this" stuff...

i like this day and i do not just like him.. i've fallen for him a long time ago... (but i won't tell him that... prOMIse) ^_^

nice

i can never thank you enough

when you told me about what you were to do with your life... i believed you w/o question and really sympathized for you... but now that i know that what you said was a lie... i don't know what your motive behind the move was... but i just want you to know that i feel bad but mostly i feel really grateful... you just totally established the fact that i am over you... that what i felt for you was that shallow... i am happy just to know that what you told me was a lie... a part of me keeps on telling me that you may have never told me any truth but i wanna think otherwise... but still... thanx a lot for letting me know that you could actually think that what you did was funny... but it was not... i really wanna tell all of this stuff right to your face... but i won't... cause i don't know if it matters or not.... tsk3.... too bad... i thought i finally found somebody to trust... yet you shattered all of the hope i had in finding someone in this world whom i can actually talk to about anything under the sun... how many times did i ever make a fool out of myself in front of your eyes? i don't wanna know really... sometimes... what we don't know... can never hurt us... so it's best to stay that way... a secret... and the past we shared... will be just that... a beautiful and hopeful past...

strangers once again

no use crying over spilt milk they say.. and i am not...

it just hurts to think that i am now once again...

virtually "real-friend" friendless.... T_T

being honest with yourself and other people all the time feels good...

but the fact that reality bites is still true...

not all can share your honesty...

not all wants to hear the truth...

and sometimes... the bitter price for honesty...

is people get hurt around you...

and slowly... they fade away into the backgrounds of your life...

im not sorry for the things i said and did...

but im sorry for how the things worked out between us...

(j.p.)

a fresh dull start

the time for a new semester has arrived... but before that... a lot of things has heppened to me... and once again... i have come to face the fact that i can only be able to rely on myself to sort things out... that no one in this world really gives a damn on what you feel... okay.... there may be a few people out there who really cares... but it sucks to put so much hope on a world that keeps on leaving you behind...

deep water creates inner turmoil

I know that it is not the job of anybody on this earth to comfort me. No matter neither how good I was nor how much kindness I offered up to the world. That is the reality that I have come to acknowledge in this lifetime. I may be just a dumb person right now, trying and thinking of ways to pre-occupy myself to further steer away from thinking of the worst. Funny though, it is like I have come to be just one of the personas’ whom I inwardly dislike. The bunch of people who just let things happen for sheer fate in fate. It is like slowly, day by day, I cease to stop struggling from the obstacles hurled my way. It seems that I am already incapable of feeling what is really needed. At times I react to stimuli in my environment in a way not even textbook. Maybe, just maybe… I have become much more insane than I thought.