^_^ y i like him?

it's funny how i ended up unceremoniously telling him i like him... lolz... seems like i spoil all the romantic bone in me when i get frustrated... there is nothing romantic with having to tell a guy he is your crush through sms... tsk3... but anyways... a few days forward... we're still texting each other... i'm just scared that it'll end before im ready to let go...

when he asked me why i liked him... i couldn't give him any straight answer... what a dumbass i really am... hihihih but he just said he has a crush on me too... ( yey no romantic factor! still thru sms)... then again, when we see each other personally... we don't talk about "this" stuff...

i like this day and i do not just like him.. i've fallen for him a long time ago... (but i won't tell him that... prOMIse) ^_^

nice

i can never thank you enough

when you told me about what you were to do with your life... i believed you w/o question and really sympathized for you... but now that i know that what you said was a lie... i don't know what your motive behind the move was... but i just want you to know that i feel bad but mostly i feel really grateful... you just totally established the fact that i am over you... that what i felt for you was that shallow... i am happy just to know that what you told me was a lie... a part of me keeps on telling me that you may have never told me any truth but i wanna think otherwise... but still... thanx a lot for letting me know that you could actually think that what you did was funny... but it was not... i really wanna tell all of this stuff right to your face... but i won't... cause i don't know if it matters or not.... tsk3.... too bad... i thought i finally found somebody to trust... yet you shattered all of the hope i had in finding someone in this world whom i can actually talk to about anything under the sun... how many times did i ever make a fool out of myself in front of your eyes? i don't wanna know really... sometimes... what we don't know... can never hurt us... so it's best to stay that way... a secret... and the past we shared... will be just that... a beautiful and hopeful past...

strangers once again

no use crying over spilt milk they say.. and i am not...

it just hurts to think that i am now once again...

virtually "real-friend" friendless.... T_T

being honest with yourself and other people all the time feels good...

but the fact that reality bites is still true...

not all can share your honesty...

not all wants to hear the truth...

and sometimes... the bitter price for honesty...

is people get hurt around you...

and slowly... they fade away into the backgrounds of your life...

im not sorry for the things i said and did...

but im sorry for how the things worked out between us...

(j.p.)

a fresh dull start

the time for a new semester has arrived... but before that... a lot of things has heppened to me... and once again... i have come to face the fact that i can only be able to rely on myself to sort things out... that no one in this world really gives a damn on what you feel... okay.... there may be a few people out there who really cares... but it sucks to put so much hope on a world that keeps on leaving you behind...

deep water creates inner turmoil

I know that it is not the job of anybody on this earth to comfort me. No matter neither how good I was nor how much kindness I offered up to the world. That is the reality that I have come to acknowledge in this lifetime. I may be just a dumb person right now, trying and thinking of ways to pre-occupy myself to further steer away from thinking of the worst. Funny though, it is like I have come to be just one of the personas’ whom I inwardly dislike. The bunch of people who just let things happen for sheer fate in fate. It is like slowly, day by day, I cease to stop struggling from the obstacles hurled my way. It seems that I am already incapable of feeling what is really needed. At times I react to stimuli in my environment in a way not even textbook. Maybe, just maybe… I have become much more insane than I thought.

is this it?

what happened last week was really weird... the urge to confess and stay away from him... has been playing on my mind quite a lot... but the courage to do it... came really strong that day... so i did what i had 2 do that wednesday night... it was really weird... i expected him to laugh... he did not... i did not expect he would tell me he felt the same way... but when he said that he does not want me to stop really shook me... how can i really? when im so used to him? when i miss him every single day? he asked me what made me like him.... i don't know if i ever got to answer him... but i know why... i just don't know if im ready to take the next step... i like him because i can talk to him about anything... he is real to me and i like his sweetness... i like his character and i like his charm... but i do have lots of qualities that i dislike about him but i chose to overlook it... is this the real thing? or is this just another bout of infatuation? i guess it's the latter.. but if continue to talk to him everyday... and he continues just as he is... who knows? it might turn into something real for me? i hope it will too for him.... as of now... i'll honor his request to stay the same and not stay away from him... it was really nice to feel that he wants us to be more than friends but settle for being one just because im not ready yet...