i can never thank you enough

when you told me about what you were to do with your life... i believed you w/o question and really sympathized for you... but now that i know that what you said was a lie... i don't know what your motive behind the move was... but i just want you to know that i feel bad but mostly i feel really grateful... you just totally established the fact that i am over you... that what i felt for you was that shallow... i am happy just to know that what you told me was a lie... a part of me keeps on telling me that you may have never told me any truth but i wanna think otherwise... but still... thanx a lot for letting me know that you could actually think that what you did was funny... but it was not... i really wanna tell all of this stuff right to your face... but i won't... cause i don't know if it matters or not.... tsk3.... too bad... i thought i finally found somebody to trust... yet you shattered all of the hope i had in finding someone in this world whom i can actually talk to about anything under the sun... how many times did i ever make a fool out of myself in front of your eyes? i don't wanna know really... sometimes... what we don't know... can never hurt us... so it's best to stay that way... a secret... and the past we shared... will be just that... a beautiful and hopeful past...

strangers once again

no use crying over spilt milk they say.. and i am not...

it just hurts to think that i am now once again...

virtually "real-friend" friendless.... T_T

being honest with yourself and other people all the time feels good...

but the fact that reality bites is still true...

not all can share your honesty...

not all wants to hear the truth...

and sometimes... the bitter price for honesty...

is people get hurt around you...

and slowly... they fade away into the backgrounds of your life...

im not sorry for the things i said and did...

but im sorry for how the things worked out between us...

(j.p.)

a fresh dull start

the time for a new semester has arrived... but before that... a lot of things has heppened to me... and once again... i have come to face the fact that i can only be able to rely on myself to sort things out... that no one in this world really gives a damn on what you feel... okay.... there may be a few people out there who really cares... but it sucks to put so much hope on a world that keeps on leaving you behind...

deep water creates inner turmoil

I know that it is not the job of anybody on this earth to comfort me. No matter neither how good I was nor how much kindness I offered up to the world. That is the reality that I have come to acknowledge in this lifetime. I may be just a dumb person right now, trying and thinking of ways to pre-occupy myself to further steer away from thinking of the worst. Funny though, it is like I have come to be just one of the personas’ whom I inwardly dislike. The bunch of people who just let things happen for sheer fate in fate. It is like slowly, day by day, I cease to stop struggling from the obstacles hurled my way. It seems that I am already incapable of feeling what is really needed. At times I react to stimuli in my environment in a way not even textbook. Maybe, just maybe… I have become much more insane than I thought.