a hundred thousand things are running through my mind right now... i want to reach out and sympathize with the person supposed to be having the time of his life today... but instead... all hope for a simple happy celebration was doused with cold water at such a lightning quick move that one can only wonder in shock as to how such a tragedy happened...
i hate myself for i try to act and eventually fool myself that i am so used to this strife life that i was thrust upon... but no... every minute reality of this life is magnified a thousand times... every detail scrutinized subconsciously... my mind works in a pattern unknown even to me... sometimes i marvel at the way i handle my emotions and how i can easily hide the truth to expose itself to all of humanity... yes... i may be able to hide it properly but the truth of its existence within me... i can never forget...
i long for a confidant in my life... someone i can talk to... someone i can call up at any time i need... even in an ungodly time of dawn or night... but how can i possibly hope to find someone to trust in this world when all of the people i find close and dear to my heart seems to be rather disappointing and fall short of what i expect them to be? i know that i can never find a person to love me for who i really am... until the day that all part of me is made known to that person... but how? when none of the people around me even show a slight interest to peck how i really am inside...
it's disturbing to want to open up to a world where no one really seems to want you to open up... i'm sick and tired of pretensions... im sick of my family and im sick of my life and all the antics that my stupid brain with a life of its own come up to hide what an unbearable, lonely soul it is that resides within me...
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